September 2009
4 posts
4 tags
Washing Hands
With the flu season fast approaching, and due to the insanity surrounding the swine flu epidemic, my company has decided to hand out memos about hand washing. Like I’m in frikin’ kindergarten. Special Ed Kindergarten. And I’m still 29. But I just got left back THAT MANY TIMES!
The memo is supposed to be posted by every sink and starts off nicely enough… but the tone...
3 tags
4 tags
My First Drunk
When I was 15 I got drunk, REALLY drunk for the first time ever.
Oh, of course I had been SLIGHTLY drunk before. I’m pretty sure that I’d even been FULLY drunk at that point. There were many bodegas that would give kids cheap beer and even Zimas (which were all the rage at the time if i remember correctly but that memory is fairly faulty since all the alcohol damage… but...
3 tags
Bacon
me: What's in this bag?
Scruffydog: *woof?*
me: is it... it is! it's *BACON*!
Scruffydog: *woof?* {goes to itch phantom nuts}
me: would you like some ... *BACON*?
Scruffydog: Fuck yeah i would! what kinda nazi lovin queerdragon dosn't *LOVE* bacon?
me: ... but ...
Scruffydog: Listen, dude... just because i don't got no nuts don't mean i don't love bacon. Put that bacon in my mouth. DO IT!!!!
me: ... but ...
Scruffydog: that's it. i'm attacking.... {Scruffydog then steals the sock off of my left foot, kills it and stands triumphantly over it}
me: ... ok. here's your bacon.