When I was little I went to Summer camp, like every normal(ish) kid did. Our summer camp was run by the JCC (Jewish Community Center) which is a lot like the YMCA except #1, there’s no Jesus and #2 there’s no Disco song and #3 there’s no sodomy in the gym/Multi-Purpose room by grown men who are down on their luck and just want a little NAMBLA-style lovin’.

The camp was fun. The camp grounds are located in the local Boyscout’s camp. There’s all sorts of decrepit bungalows, animal skulls on sticks surrounded by rocks and burnt “remains”, an abandoned cemetery … EVERYthing! Even a lake with weird fish and frogs.

It was a great place and we had a bunch of great shenanigans!

Such as the time we broke into the grave. We got up to the vault of this Mausoleum. On this abandoned piece of land adjacent to the camp grounds. The grave was of a fairly prominent person in my hometown. The family basically built the town against much opposition to their efforts and it was our duty to honor them by breaking into the mausoleum, disgracing the graves and stealing a souvenir of their lives.

We were eight. It made sense.

When we got there, I remember Jerome O’Connor opening the door and then a guy with a burlap sack over his head jumped out from behind the bushes and picked up Jerome, threw him into Sammy (Samantha) Beirhartt screeching and laughing like a hyena. Jerome, of course pissed his pants. Literally. Which led to the attacker’s partner to come out of the mausoleum, wearing a luchador mask saying something about “YOO DISGWAAAMPH MUUUH BUR’LL PLAACE!! HOW DAAAH YOO PEEEEE AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!” … We couldn’t really understand her with the mask on.

Yeah. It was the lifeguard and her boyfriend.

Nowadays if I need to shut Jerome up real quick I just say “Dude… remember that time at the gravesite?”…