I hate shopping. Not just because “oooh I’m a man and I hate shopping” but more of “I’m lazy and if I have to get off of the couch there’s gotsta be natchos involved. Or also the bathroom.”

So Julie demanded that I go shopping. That I get her “some lunch” because “she’s hungry” and I “never do anything around the house”.

Bitch

(NOTE: Julie made me take down an awesome picture of her in a luchadore mask because she thinks she’s fat. So I’m using this one that i found on the internets instead. It’s the same thing, only it’s NOT Julie.)

So from working with all sorts of lazy people I’ve come up with a plan: “Do the job as halfassed as possible and you’ll only have to do it ONCE”… because they’ll NEVER ask you to do it again.

Halfassed Lunch

Here’s the breakdown:

  • One bag of plain potato chips
  • Two Rolls of recycled “Green” toilet paper. To help with my “Carbon Emissions”
  • One Entemens chocolate cake with marshmallow frosting
  • One sixer of Tecaté beer. Mexican beer.
  • One old-assed lemon

Yeah. NEVER AGAIN!

Ariba

I win! Now I’ve just got to figure out how to drink with no mouth-hole… and how to poop with that rolling pin wedged up my poophole. Sideways. By foot.