FatKidsLie

It was 1986. Ronald Regan was president. The Smurfs were all over the place. I was 6.

I was at Suzan’s (as in who you’re cruizin’ for a bruzin’ from… AKA my big sister) house while my mom and our dad (Suzan’s my paternal half sister and is like.. 30 years older than me) drank coffee on a Saturday morning. This was back in the golden days of Saturday Morning Cartoons, where you could wake up at 6am, get a bowl of sugar cerial, sit down in front of the TV and be babysat for 6 hours by Smurfs, Mon-Chi-Chis and every other sick cartoon that was awesome.

My niece (who is a year and a day older than me) and I were watching The Smurfs and drawing robots and dinosaurs and flowers and fairies etc in the living room. Hopped up on OJ and half a box of Cap’n Crunch, I went and hid behind the couch, took off my pants, folded them and took a blue magic marker to my wiener, jumped out in front of the TV and screamed “I’M A SMURF!!! LA LA LALALALA… LA LALA LA LAAAA (AKA the SMURF SONG)”

This freaked out my niece so much that she couldn’t scream. I then ran into the kitchen to show my parents and sister who didn’t have a sense of humor for that sort of crap. They all took turns beating my 6 year old ass.

The magic marker didn’t come off with regular soap and water, so my mom made me use AJAX. out in the driveway. So the whole world could see.

Thanks to The Evil Twin’s Wife you get to learn a little more about me. I think it started from this site, but I dunno. I’d rather go to The Evil Twin’s Wife’s site.

1. If you could only have one candy bar (over and over) the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

   TECHNICALLY this is 2 questions but…

   I’d have Mounds. Because I love coconut and dark chocolate. I also like the way that the Mounds/Almond Joy commercials used to make me giggle when I was a kid “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you dont” and since I’m perpetually 13…

2. Would you rather be Red Alert or Sideswipe?

   Tough one. They both turn into my FAVORITE car… the ‘77 Lamborghini Countach. I’d have to say “Red Alert” since he was the “Security Director” and not a common soldier. The only drawback is that I’d get shot in the back while trying to defeat the Constructacons/Devistator. But who wants to live forever?

3. Do you floss?

   Yeah. I take pretty good care of my teeth. Even though I have one Wisdom tooth and one molar that need to be pulled… I’m totally paranoid about odors (body oder/ bad breath) so I spend a ton of energy making sure I don’t offend anyone or embarrass myself.

   Even though I’ll embarrass myself on the internet or at a party almost as if it were on purpose. At least I don’t smell.

4. What is your dream job?

   Anything where I can sit around all day listening to music, watching Flash cartoons, reading Blogs and also secretly looking at porn. Senior Program Developer springs to mind….

5. What is one beverage you can’t live without?

   Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. C. O. F. F. E. E.

   I drink coffee like Snoop Dogg smokes blunts. I probably go through a pot a day. I have high blood pressure but I don’t care. I’ve been drinking coffee for over 15 years. And I will never stop.

   I even drink Wafflehouse coffee. I liked it so much I stole a cup. And now? I drink coffee out of it at home.

   It’s after midnight and I’m gonna finish this blog post, put the dog to bed, finish this cup of coffee and then go to bed just so I can wake up at 6am and do it all again. ALL FOR THE LOVE OF COFFEE!!!!

I hope that clears everything up?

Wanna get interviewed?

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Pretty easy, right? I bet someone screws it up though.