FatKidsLie

I smell poop. I’m not sure where it’s coming from, because I’ve got my windows open. I know it’s not MY poop, because I keep a fairly well ordered poop journal.

I’ve been looking around my house for one of Scruffydog’s poops, to no avail. He’s usually pretty good about keeping his poos in his cage, on his weewee pads (if he didn’t go outside). But I can’t find any so… I’m pretty sure it’s not him.

I do have my windows open, so it could be one of the rancid cats that live in my neighbor’s crumbling garage (the one with the tree growing out of it). Rancidcats have been pooping in my back yard for years. I gave up on trying to keep it clean back there… because there’s too many cats. And they all have feline AIDS. And that’s just death…

…

I just looked outside and there’s a 4ft mountain of rancid cat poop. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s causing the poop smell. Problem solved.

I was walking my dog the other day, since I frown on his use of my living room as his own personal deficatorium, and I wound up going up this little tiny dead-end side-street. While I got my dog doing his little parallel-parking/poopoo dance one of the crazy people that lives there comes barreling out of her house in a 1970’s era housecoat like screeching about “HOW DARE YOU!!!! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE” and waving a rolling pin and throwing balls of wadded up newspaper at me.

She starts off on a rant about how she doesn’t want dog-shit all up and down her block! She doesn’t want to get it tracked up inside her house!

What the Hell? It is a tiny little dog, who I pick up after. Plus she hasn’t been out of the house since the Nixon administration. And seriously? Which do you think is less sanitary: 1 dog or the 478592 feral cats in the neighborhood that she and my other neighbor feed?

Just wanted to rant on that. Later this week? You’re gonna get a review of some foods…