It’s been snowing lately and my sister, humanitarian that she is, was shoveling her elderly neighbor’s sidewalk when this guy pulls up in his guidomobile and blocks the guy’s driveway totally ignoring all established protocols for decent manners. My sister waits until the guy comes out of the 4-wheel-drive-penile-compensator and tells the ponytailed balding man that he simply cannot park there since it is an active driveway. He snort-laughs and then says something to the effect of “That’s ok. I’m fine parking here” and puts his hand on his hip, pushing his jacket out of the way to show off his gun.

My sister, in shock says “Oh. Nice piece! :)” and continues to shovel out the neighbor’s driveway. The guy responds by asking her out for coffee, an offer she quickly turned down. I can only assume that it’s because she’s afraid of intimacy since the guy:

  1. Has a good enough job where he can afford a guidomobile in this economy,
  2. Has enough self esteem to wear brown jeans, loafers with no socks in the winter, a checkered shirt tucked into his pants to show off his gut
  3. Has a gun so she can feel safe!

She needs a man! She’s a single mom and is getting too old to poledance for dollars!