When I was in first grade i was super smart. I got to sit at the head of the class, and when all the other turdlings couldn’t answer the questions it was my fat ass that got called up to the blackboard. This caused jelousy from some of the other students. Like ClairBeast.

ClairBeast’s real name is not too important, but suffice it to say I will hold a grudge against her for the rest of my life. I’ve been holding it since 1987, so .. 23 years and counting.

One day, after answering a question on the blackboard, I go to sit down in my chair and… it’s not there. Now, before I sat down I did the standard check of “is there a chair here? Y/N”. It passed the test, so I proceeded to sit down, when ClairBeast pulled the chair out from under me, causing me to smash my face on my desk (which was made of enameled ceramics, a standard desktop material at the time).

I was gushing blood out of a hole in my cheek that was caused by a tooth popping through. Teacher, a 30 year old drunken whore according to my mother, told me to go rinse it out at the fountain. The fountain with the high lead content.

Eventually my mom got called, ran from work (3 blocks away) and got me to the hospital. Where the doctor decided that it was a case of child abuse and called the police. Who, as I’m being operated on by a recent medical school graduate from the college of Banglore Provence, decide to interrogate my mother about how often she hits me, why she hit me so hard and what she used to hit me with this time.

Meanwhile I’ve got a sheet over my head, don’t know what’s going on, and the doctor’s telling me to “Quit squirming, you little fucktard”. Or at least that’s how I remember it.

At any rate, I hate doctors, can’t stand dental work and want to punch ClairBeast in the throat. 23 years later.

I found her on Facebook. I wanna befriend her and then ask her if she remembers pulling the chair out from under me.