I know I have issues with smells/odours and I tend to go a little wonky when I get pissed off (usually resulting in tazers and police and night in jail where I have to use a roll of toilet paper as a pillow) but help me out on this, and tell me if I’m wrong:

I’m back in school after a 7 year absence. Since I’m not working I get to have 8:00am classes. 8:00 in the morning means that other than taking a dump, showering and eating breakfast this class should be the first thing you do that day. Therefore there is absolutely no excuse for BO. Other then hating your life. I was told that some people don’t always shower in the morning. That is not cool. At least spray yourself down with febreeze.

The only thing that comes anywhere near being as bad as that are the douche-nozzles that dump a whole bottle of rancid Albanian knock-off cologne on their junk instead of actually showering. That shit smells like rotten onions and old gym-socks left in a garbage bag in the trunk of a car for a month and then blended with a quart of hobo piss. I was sitting in my Vector Calculus class this morning and I couldn’t pay attention because my eyes were stinging so bad. I had to run to the physics lab room next door and use their eyewash fountain. I thought that smell was still on me, but no… it isn’t! I asked random people how I smelled (yes I was that worried that I ran up and made people smell me. They do it because if a 6’2, 314lb man tells you to do something you do it). They didn’t notice anything so that means that either you killed their sense of smell or you left more than enough stank particles in my nose that I have Phantom Scent Syndrome!

If I have to smell this all day I think I’m gonna climb a clock tower with a sniper rifle.

I need to find a ninja who’ll teach me the art of the roundhouse kick. That way when people need one, to set them straight, I can deliver. It’ll be my community service. Like that time I had to rake leaves on the side of the highway because I had to poop really bad after getting trashed off of peach schnapps and Royal Crown and this asshole wouldn’t let me use his bathroom. I know that he had one ‘cause when he opened the door I took a look in his house and he had some really nice stuff like a wide-screen TV and shit. When he wouldn’t let me poop inside I took a dump on his lawn and broke a sprinkler head off and made a bidet out of it (‘cause I can’t stand skidmarks). Only this time? It’s for a greater good and will make a real difference.