Once in the late 1980’s in Queens, NY where there were fully nude strip clubs on the main streets in a major city and drug dealers and pimps roamed the streets in fur coats and purple fedoras with giant peacock feathers attached to them like something out of a blacksploitation movie, my grandmother got mugged. It wasn’t really much of a mugging. The guy didn’t pull a knife or a gun or a stick with a nail in it or anything like that. It was really a snatch-and-grab type deal.

Some delinquent decided that an old lady, who was about 4ft nuthin’, wearing a mink coat would give up her sequined purse that was chock full of hard candy, a change of jewelry and a gangster roll of cash without a fight. But he didn’t realize that old people are usually not afraid to fight because they have no friends since they’ve outlived them all and are not afraid to die because they are old and get visits from the Grim Reaper every time they sit down on the toilet and will not take the kind of crap that stealing their purse in a snatch-and-grab type robbery entails from some young whippersnapper like you ya filthy punk hoodlum.

So when the guy tried to grab the bag and run away Grandma just stood there. Planted like the brick shithouse she was. The would-be robber just stopped, turned around, grabbed the purse with both hands, tried to pull it away and said what only some fucktarded criminal could possibly think of saying to a grandma that you’ve failed to mug: “Leggo th’ bag ya old bitch!”.

Grandma then reached back (like a pimp) and knocked that idiot out.

And knocked a tooth out of his head.

A construction worker was already rushing to her aid, took her by the hand and sat her down on a nearby bench. The robber started to get up and some kids said “no… you got knocked out by a grandma. You stay down now. You wait for the police to arrest you and take you away in a shameful way that you deserve.”

When the cops came they took one look at the robber, and then at my grandmother and wanted to arrest her for knocking him out so hard. So hard that he peed his pants.