Washing Hands
With the flu season fast approaching, and due to the insanity surrounding the swine flu epidemic, my company has decided to hand out memos about hand washing. Like I’m in frikin’ kindergarten. Special Ed Kindergarten. And I’m still 29. But I just got left back THAT MANY TIMES!
The memo is supposed to be posted by every sink and starts off nicely enough… but the tone of the note quickly degenerates to insane levels…
We at COMPANY care about the health and well being of our employees. To this end here is the OFFICIAL HAND WASHING INSTRUCTIONS. All employees MUST comply with these instructions as they are not optional. Any employee found not following these instructions will be immidiatly terminated.
Thank you for your anticipated cooperation…
- Using a paper towel, turn the water ON. Take care not to touch the faucet with your bare hands. THAT IS HOW DISEASE IS SPREAD
- Using the previous method, adjust the water temperature so that it is HOT, but not SCALDING. **HOT WATER KILLS GERMS*
- Get your hands wet, and use a dollop of hand soap. Rub your hands together using the FRICTION to create a lather.
- Hold your hands under the faucet and continuously rub them together for 20 seconds.
- If there is fecal matter on your hands then contact management. We will provide a disposable sponge or washcloth for your one-time use.
- With another paper towel turn off the water.
- Dry your hands with a fresh paper towel.
- DOOR KNOBS CARY DISEASE!!!! Using a clean paper towel open the door and then IMEDIATLY discard the paper towel.
IF WE ALL WORK TOGETHER WE CAN LIMIT THE IMPACT OF FLU THIS SEASON!!!! Honestly? If I have feces on my hands I’m just gonna wash it off. Because… fuck them.
Is “Fuck Them” a good reason? I believe so.
