FatKidsLie

Me: [Your trusty fatkid, lucas]
Biff: [My girlfriend's 6 year old son]
Me: You've got 5 minutes to get your clothes for bed, and get in the shower!
Biff: Or else what? [in that 6 year old testing-the-bounderies voice]
Me: Or else I'm gonna take you out back and wash you with the hose and a dish sponge! [holding up the filthy dish sponge that I just used to clean bacon grease out of the sink because I forgot to do the trick where you put the paper towel in a coffee mug to catch the grease so you can throw it out]
Biff: oh...
Me: And then you're sleeping in the yard.
Biff: But... what happens when the wolves come for me? [Really, and i mean REALLY, scared now]
Me: That? Is YOUR problem. I'll be on the couch watching Transformers and eating your Captain Crunch.
Biff: [Runs up and gets his pajamas and a towel. Takes the quickest shower of his life and is good the rest of the night. I win.]

TheKid: MOM COME QUICK!!! JOHNNY PEED HIS PANTS!!!
MyGirlfriend: What? What the Hell?!?! Johnny! Go get cleaned up! You're too old to be peeing your pants! Why would you DO THAT?
TheKid: He couldn't get to the bathroom!
MyGirlfriend: Why not? What was going on that he couldn't get to the bathroom?!?!
TheKid: I was sitting on him.
MyGirlfriend: (*headpalm*) Why were you sitting on him?
TheKid: Because! He was gonna go to the bathroom! and I didn't want him to GO!
MyGirlfriend: *sigh* YoYou can't do it. OK?
TheKid: Jeeze... Why didn't you tell me that BEFORE?!?!?!

TheKid: (pointing to some Mexican/South American teenagers walking down the street) I bet those guys are from California.
Me: (Thinking he's being somehow racist even though he's only 6) What the hell are you talking about? Those kids are from South America or something.
TheKid: Oh... I thought they were from California because they dressed pretty cool. (They were dressed like rocker teens from the suburbs because... well... I guess they were.)
Me: Oh... Well... Yeah... I guess I'd probably wanna hang out with them If I were still in High School.