My niece has an 11 year old kid. She also has a boyfriend.
… DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNN
So she’s getting some and the kid walks out of his room to use the bathroom and hears some struggling in her room and opens the door and sees what nobody should EVER see!
and he runs away and hides in his room!
He then comes out and goes “YOU SEE?!?!!? THIS IS WHY I DON’T LIKE YOU HAVING GUYS SLEEP OVER!”
"…and one time! at my daddy’s house?! I pooped in the toilet and he was out of toilet paper. So I did what you told me to do! I used a towel and I gave it to my dad so he can wash it!--My girlfriend’s kid. She said that she never told him to use a towel.
I’m 30 years old. I have a girlfriend and a dog and my girlfriend has a dog. But there are some things that would make you question that.
Like when I’m home alone at night and I’ve just watched a scary movie from the 1980’s and I hear something and then I swear that there’s some sort of space pirate or zombie or the Red Guy from Legend or something in my closet or some sort of Sumarian demi-god living in my refrigerator or something. And we all know that the only thing that can defeat the Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krugers is Mommy.
It isn’t good enough that my girlfriend is a mommy, she can’t help me. The only one that can is MY mommy.
The problem is that I’m an adult, with my own home. And my mom doesn’t live here. In fact, right now she’s living in another country. So I have to get her on Skype and I take my laptop and put it under my bed so that the tentacle-rape monster can’t get me. She tells them to get out of there through a video conference.
The wonders of modern technology.
"There’s this hill over there and it’s called “Happy Hill” ‘cause my dad? his boss? he goes up there and he’s not allowed to drink because his wife says not to because it’s bad for his heart. ‘Cause he’s fat and his heart isn’t too good and it pumps too much and too hard and stuff. Well he goes up there and doesn’t tell his wife and he goes there to be happy and drink beers and not be yelled at or nuthin’. Up on the hill. on “Happy Hill”.--My girlfriend’s five-year-old son, talking about this hill off the side of the highway where there’s all sorts of grass and gross stuff… in New Jersey…
