"I just want you to know that all the drinks you spilt on me last night stained my legs and made me think my veins were popping out, therefore I thought I was dying. …Until my mom licked her finger and rubbed it off.-- My girlfriend’s cousin complaining of, what i think was, laugh-spittle from Mike’s Hard Lemonaide…
Boogey Man
I’m 30 years old. I have a girlfriend and a dog and my girlfriend has a dog. But there are some things that would make you question that.
Like when I’m home alone at night and I’ve just watched a scary movie from the 1980’s and I hear something and then I swear that there’s some sort of space pirate or zombie or the Red Guy from Legend or something in my closet or some sort of Sumarian demi-god living in my refrigerator or something. And we all know that the only thing that can defeat the Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krugers is Mommy.
It isn’t good enough that my girlfriend is a mommy, she can’t help me. The only one that can is MY mommy.
The problem is that I’m an adult, with my own home. And my mom doesn’t live here. In fact, right now she’s living in another country. So I have to get her on Skype and I take my laptop and put it under my bed so that the tentacle-rape monster can’t get me. She tells them to get out of there through a video conference.
The wonders of modern technology.
