When I was a kid my niece was jealous that my little sister and I would spend time with my grandma. She wanted to spend a weekend with Grandma to show how everyone how cool she was… and prove that she’s the favorite great-grandchild.
Or something.
I’m not sure.
You see, Grandma was… gross. and scary.
She used to fall asleep, snoring and cursing in her sleep while smoking and watching the “fucking Mets”. She’d actually smoke in her sleep. We’d even make faces right in her face to see if she’d wake up, but there was no way… she was OUT!
The weekend that my niece decided to stay over was during passover, when jews can’t have …. most bread products. My little niece thought that she was gonna be struck dead for eating Roy Roger’s Chicken. She begged Grandma not to make her have it, but Grandma basically forced it down her throat.
Or told her “it’s this or you eat your own farts…” whatever.
That was breakfast (at 1pm). On the way back from there Grandma had… and accident. In the elevator going back to her apartment. Without saying a word, Grandma simply pissed down her leg and left a puddle with my niece looking wide-eyed and in shock.
While Grandma was cleaning herself, my niece couldn’t take it anymore and called her mom, my sister, to pick her up. In Queens. From Staten Island. Demanded that they get her “NOW NOW NOW” (and rightfully show) or else she’d be going home alone. On the subway. In 1987. At 8 Years Old.
While my niece was waiting she decided to watch TV in Grandma’s bedroom, which was not a good idea, and led to her not being able to eat chicken cutlets for years due to Grandma getting changed right in front of her, and nakedly picking up the panties that she dropped.
My niece didn’t realize that every time we went to Grandma’s my dad was there. To sort of… run interference. And also my mom. Who would take us outta there when Grandma was too… weird…
