FatKidsLie

"That lady did some voodoo on your hat!

—Some crazy lady that my sister overheard on Main St. here in my hometown.

The hat?

… Based on the descriptions given.

"Why don’t you have a job? My aunt has a job AND goes to school AND she’s only 19!!!!????!?!?!?

—My girlfriend’s five-year-old son. He was seriously concerned.

And no, my girlfriend didn’t help me out. I had to fend for myself on that one.

"back in the days do you really think the milkman had relations with all the housewives? if so that’s an awesome perk. or a job hazzard.

"If you keep picking your nose, your penis will fall off.

— Aunt Martha

This is what my aunt Martha told me once. When she kidnapped me and took me to church. For Easter.