"There’s this hill over there and it’s called “Happy Hill” ‘cause my dad? his boss? he goes up there and he’s not allowed to drink because his wife says not to because it’s bad for his heart. ‘Cause he’s fat and his heart isn’t too good and it pumps too much and too hard and stuff. Well he goes up there and doesn’t tell his wife and he goes there to be happy and drink beers and not be yelled at or nuthin’. Up on the hill. on “Happy Hill”.--My girlfriend’s five-year-old son, talking about this hill off the side of the highway where there’s all sorts of grass and gross stuff… in New Jersey…
"That lady did some voodoo on your hat!--
—Some crazy lady that my sister overheard on Main St. here in my hometown.
The hat?
… Based on the descriptions given.
"Why don’t you have a job? My aunt has a job AND goes to school AND she’s only 19!!!!????!?!?!?--
—My girlfriend’s five-year-old son. He was seriously concerned.
And no, my girlfriend didn’t help me out. I had to fend for myself on that one.
"back in the days do you really think the milkman had relations with all the housewives? if so that’s an awesome perk. or a job hazzard.--me.
"If you keep picking your nose, your penis will fall off.--
— Aunt Martha
This is what my aunt Martha told me once. When she kidnapped me and took me to church. For Easter.
