FatKidsLie

• TheKid: (pointing to some Mexican/South American teenagers walking down the street) I bet those guys are from California.
• Me: (Thinking he's being somehow racist even though he's only 6) What the hell are you talking about? Those kids are from South America or something.
• TheKid: Oh... I thought they were from California because they dressed pretty cool. (They were dressed like rocker teens from the suburbs because... well... I guess they were.)
• Me: Oh... Well... Yeah... I guess I'd probably wanna hang out with them If I were still in High School.

"Piece of evidence No. 73 why my family is batshit crazy: My little sister: “Jewish blood tastes like pennies.” My niece, in response, “Then what does Christian blood taste like?” My sister: “Not like pennies.

--from a “Facebook” status message that my sister left earlier today…

My girlfriend has a kid. She and the baby daddy have an agreement that if either of them are dating that the other parent has to meet the boyfriend/girlfriend before they meet the kid. That’s fair. The problem? The babydaddy’s an ex KKK member. No, I am not being a fatkid. I’m being serious…

• MyGF: So, you’re gonna have to meet Fattie20XL soon.
• Babydaddy: OK. He’s not a wiccan like you, is he?
• MyGF: No. He’s half Jewish. Dosn’t follow any religion though.
• Babydaddy: Oh. I’m better with wiccans than Jews. Although Jews are also a race, not just a religion. I’m sure he’s ok though…
• MyGF: Yeah. He’s cool. Just be nice when you meet him…
• Babydaddy: So, no oven jokes?
• MyGF: He’ll kick your ass.
• Babydaddy: We’ll see. Jews aren’t good fighters. They’re usually asthmatic aren’t they?
• MyGF: …. He’s HALF jewish… I’ve seen him jump down three flights of stairs with a ninja sword to get people out of his back yard.
• Babydaddy: A jewish ninja? WTF?
• MyGF: I’m just saying… he’ll kick your ass…
• Babydaddy: With his hoofed feet? Or is he gonna mess up my taxes?

So, when I finaly meet this guy I’m gonna say “I’m OK for a jew, right?”